There are times when I think he is so grown up, completely ready for elementary school. There are times when I think he is still so young, a toddler maturing at a snails pace. Of course, both are true. He is still very much a very young kid maturing at a snails pace, but one who has managed to grow into a kindergartener. It sounds cheesy, but I believe this pull between little and big kid summarizes every category of his life.
Physical. He has always been and extremely active, physical and coordinated child. As an "emerging big kid" this has not changed. He is a leading scorer on his soccer team (not that they keep score) and wins most of the running races they have in practice. If he asks you to race to the stop sign, you as an adult must run to keep up with him. He is 100% idependant in the pool, including his dives to the bottom. He is strong enough as a swimmer that he has been given instructions on how to help his sister should she fall in without adult supervision (and yes, those instructions include calling for an adult).
Yet he lacks the focus and attention to take his physical abilities to the next level. He can be seen running down the field looking for us rather than the ball. His stokes are unformed and sloppy because he is content with his current abilities. He cannot yet ride on two wheels because he thinks he can't. I know my boy, and know that the right shift or encouragement in any of these areas would push him towards success.
Play. We are having more moments of quiet play mixed in with the wild child style we have grown ucustomed to over the past five years. The other day he assembled an entire lego set by himself, and today required only minimal assistance on his new 520 piece set. When he was done assembling, he put together a complex make believe rescue scenario for his creation to take part in. During "quiet time" in his room he enjoys playing school, which is a game of his own creation that involves circle time and individual work stations for various students/stuffed animals. He is always the teacher. He builds increasingly complex creations with his magnatiles. His restaurant play now includes taking your order by writing it down on a piece of paper.
Yet his super hero and ninja turtle play still lacks control. He regularly takes his "fighting" games too far and he or his opponent (most frequently his sister, but also a parent or a friend) ends up in tears or feeling the need to tattle. "Sam hit you!" (love the toddler pronoun confusion stage that Annabelle is in right now!) He still feels the right to dictate the "right" way to play whatever it is we're playing, and will yell at his playmate for doing things wrong. He still often requires suggestions on what he should do to fill his free time.
He enjoys playing games, but losing them is a challenge. So is focusing on one that lasts longer than Candyland.
Emotional. Sam has always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve - never do you wonder what he is thinking or feeling. As he matures, I do see him attempt to put on a brave face in certain situations, telling himself or me that something isn't a big deal when Mama knows he is using the words to protect his own heart. He has also learned the practice of hiding the truth. Rarely, if ever, do I catch him in an outright lie, but he does "forget" or not mention things that he later admits were because he thought I'd be mad.
Yet his responses to situations that do not go his way continue to resemble those of a 2 year old. Unfortunately, I am not exaggerating on this one. His first response is often a fit, including stamping, tears, yells, cries and negotiations. Occasionally he is physical with it as well. His teachers also tell me that his emotional responses have creeped into school, which is a sign that he is completely comfortable there. He was an angel at school (their words, not mine) until this spring, so I know he is capable of better behavior. Right now we are focusing on two words: Self-Control and Respect. Sometimes just saying these words is enough to help him calm down, sometimes a more in-depth discussion is required. Last week in the car he told me, "When I was little I didn't know about self control." No buddy, you sure didn't!
Academics. His teachers tell me he is smart! He is just on the verge of reading. He knows tons of sight words which he can easily put together and read out of books, and spells from memory. He understand and can read simple "word families" (hat, cat, pat, bat) in books like Hop on Pop, but hasn't yet progressed to blending sounds. As of this week and can count to 100 and clap the syllables in long and short words. He is fascinated by science. He can write all his upper case letters legibly and most of the lower case from memory, but really needs a line to put his words on and lacks the ability to space plan his words on the page. He FINALLY enjoys coloring.
Here is where is lack of focus comes into play again. He gets worn out from attempting to read after only a few minutes. He gets distracted on his way to 100 and must count by tens to regain his place. His handwriting is sloppy as he is more concerned with speed than accuracy. One day, a few months ago, he came home with a completely colored-in picture. Shocked, as every sheet his entire life has come home bearing a few quick crayon streaks across the page, I commented. "Oh, I realized that if I take my time with the coloring then it looks really good. Now I like coloring." Hopefully we can have that light bulb moment in a few other areas, as well!
Social. Sam loves being around people. Always has, and I see no signs of that changing anytime soon. He can play well with kids a few years older or younger than him, he is just happy to have a playmate. Nothing is more disappointing to him than a vacant playground, and I do believe that a sibling is the best gift that we will ever give to him. He can be a real leader in group play situations and isn't afraid to get the party started. He craves having people in his house. I have been shocked recently to hear him say that he wants to play by himself for a little while, but I consider that to be a grown up skill for him.
Sam's social challenges arise from his continued belief that he is the center of everyone's universe. Honestly, it probably our key responsibility as parents to teach him that this is not the case, but that God is and that all he does should reflect that. He gets that in his head but we have yet to see it reflected in his heart. Practically it plays out like this: he gets an idea in his head of how things are going to go, in what order, etc and struggles when it doesn't play out that way. He will obsess about doing what he wants to do, pester the one in charge until his way is achieved or he is disciplined. He will pester his playmates, too, into playing his way, doing what he wants to do. Of course, we see this much more with his closest friends, as he has mastered the very grown up skill of treating those closest to you the worst. Some day this strong will, persistence and determination will serve him well, but he must learn to harness these attributes for good rather than evil!
Relational. There are days he is my buddy and I can talk to him like a real person. His phrasing and intonation make me laugh they are so grown up. He can be brought in on the side of the grown ups when we're trying to trick Annabelle. He looks out for his sister and takes that responsibility seriously when they are outside alone. One day I peeked out to see him standing behind her on the ladder of the swing set. "Its ok, I'm right here. Now put this foot right here (as he physically guides her foot down a step). Now do the other foot...you got it!" He'll even yell at me when I punish her. He can and does make friends in any setting, be it a new park or a new school class. At the same time, he can choose who his real friends are and tell you why he prefers their company over others'.
Let's see, what else about Sam at 5:
-He is mostly done napping, but there are still days that I can see his body and mind are just worn out and he needs more sleep. If he could learn to SLEEP IN then he could drop the nap completely. He'll have to in a few short months anyhow.
-He prefers to have his room clean and is capable of putting everything away on his own. He'll try to convince you otherwise, but he game himself away the day he cleaned the disaster of a play room and his room and then proudly displayed his accomplishment to me.
-He has small jobs around the house that he is responsible for: he unloads the silverwear and plastic plates from the dishwasher, ensures all his dirty clothes end up in the hamper, cleans his room and bring the empty recycling bins back up to the garage. He helps to set the table when I remember to ask him to.
-He still transitions a million times more smoothly if he is given a 3-5 minute warning that the activity will soon be changing.
-He's into playing Ninja Turtles but not really watching it, same with super heros. He is still scared easily by shows, and the dark for that matter. I love that tender side of his heart. Cars 2 is his favorite movie right now, but he loves Frozen like the rest of the world.
-He likes Jammie Days. We have these on Fridays sometimes, days we decide we just aren't going to leave the house and the three of us stay in our jammies. I love that he loves his down time enough to request these, that he loves us and his home enough to appreciate them. And I make every attempt I can to make them happen for him, because the months are few before he takes on a much more grown up schedule!
I'm sure I could write a million more lines about my boy. How can you describe a person in one blog post? But this is a good picture of where he is right now. Although there are days that it takes everything in me to keep my cool with him (and sometimes I fail!), I love him more than words can say. He has been pushing me as a mother and helping me grow as a Christian and a person since the day he was born, and I think the two of us will continue to grow together for years to come. His willful personality and tender heart keep me coming back for more every single day.
5 years old. One whole hand. What will Sam be like in another 5 years?
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