Full Term

Today I am 37 weeks pregnant. Full term. True, they no longer allow inductions before 39 weeks without medical reason, but a baby is not considered a "preemie" once it reaches 37 weeks gestation. I will not have a premature baby. That, combined with the positive news I receive at my now weekly prenatal visits, brings some piece of mind.

But there is much else swimming through my mind these days. Mostly I am anxious about how my life - our lives - are going to change in the next few weeks. Its funny, really, that this is getting to me more with my second. But last time around I was blissfully unaware of how much my life was going to change. I had no idea the adjustment it would be - physically, emotionally, financially - to quit my job and stay home with Sam. I had no idea what caring for another person 24 hours a day would feel like. I had no idea that I'd no longer be able to sit through a movie at the theater without wondering if someone else was ok. I just had no idea. And that made Sam's first six months very hard.

This time I know. I know to dread the sleep deprivation, the difficult trips to the grocery, the solitude of being stuck in the house. But I also know that all of those things end and there will wonderful periods of happy baby and well-rested mama. I also know that I have already adjusted to many of the things that were so hard the first time. This time I'm not quitting a job, and I already know that I'll never go out for the night without worrying if my kids are alright - and I'm ok with that.

More than anything else I am grieving the loss of my days alone with Sam. The kid can drive me up a wall and we LOVE our days with Daddy, but there is something about our weekdays together. We have a rhythm. We know how things are going to go. We can predict what's coming next, and I think that he can anticipate my reactions as well as I can his. At this point he is relatively easy. We go places, do things, play, hang around, whatever. But our days are about to forever change by the addition of a third person - one who won't be able to go everywhere or do anything, at least for a little while. I am scared about how this addition will affect my relationship with Sam, how it will affect the life that he and I lead during the week. I know I am not alone in these feelings. Every time it comes up at the park, bible study, etc I am reassured by moms of more than one kid that yes, they felt the same when they were pregnant with their second and yes, life is good with two. But I am still nervous, and a little bit sad.

In spite of all of the nerves, I am excited. Any day now I will meet a new person. A person that everyone swears I will love as much as I love my Sam-man. And for that I can't wait. I can't wait to love another child, to sing it songs, to find its ticklish spots, to kiss its tiny toes.

I am ready for this.

And this time I won't take for granted those newborn snuggles, because I also know that those sleepy newborns turn into wild preschoolers before you even feel like you've caught your breath from that last push.